I used to own a pool table. When you’re done thinking about how rad I must be, you should know that despite my self funded admittance into this elite club of mastery of drunken geometry, I was still never very good at the game. Tonight I got the chance to relive some of my fondest memories of leaving most of my balls on the table while my challengers balls steadily disappear throughout the game, only to feel like a dick when I win the game because they scratched on the 8 ball, primarily due to all my crap being in their way. Despite that one little snafu of a game, it was actually pretty fun tonight. I had my own personal trainer in my corner, bestowing gobs of advice on me, essentially babying me due to my obvious lack of skill and confidence. I let my ego go pretty quickly and listened to his advice intently, and actually improved quite a bit! I’ll share the piece of advice that made the biggest improvement for me: treat it like a fine vagina, take your time, and be soft and gentle, not rough and rushed. Once I stopped trying to be Macho Man Randy Savage on each hit I improved leaps and bounds, and even won a few games! So to make a long story short, when playing pool, think about a fine vagina, and you’ll play like a pro! This photo was taken with my new hand me down droid x.